Dear feminist friends, please, go crazy on this because I am too tired to do so.
Oh my god this makes me want to be physically sick all over everything
Dear Asshats,
People are not like pies. People are not like food or objects at all. People are surprisingly enough like people. Just. Like. You.
When a person “friend-zones” you, it’s not because up until that point they were leading you on, tricking you into thinking their “pie” was for you. It’s because they enjoyed your company and wanted to be friends.
I realise the concept of “friends” may be a tough one for you to grasp, you probably don’t have many considering what a giant objectifying asshat you apparently are, but I assure you this is the case.
If you were hoping to move the relationship beyond that friendship, and they’re not interested, then yes that sucks. Sadly the world is not a wish granting factory, and as we’ve covered already people aren’t objects that you can control based on your personal whims and desires.
If that is what you’re looking for may I suggest investing in a Fleshlight or some other form of sex toy. You can probably even get one shaped like a pie if you Google hard enough.
But don’t despair, there is some good news! Although that person may not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with you, they may still be interested in maintaining the friendship you had miraculously already cultivated. Hooray for you! Try not to fuck that up by letting them know what a massive dickbag you are.
If on the other hand you were literally only being friends with them in the hopes that they’d sleep with you, well that sucks for everyone concerned. You’re not getting what you want and they just found out their friend was a massive dickbag who never really wanted to be their friend in the first place. Well done you, now everyone’s sad. I hope you’re really proud of what you’ve done.
Next time to avoid this misery-fest of a fuck up try acting like less of a douche and only be friends with people you actually want to be friends with, not just as a pretence to get into their pants. You never know, maybe that friendship will develop into something more, maybe it won’t, but in the meantime you’ll have some kick-ass friends to hang out with instead of being sad, bitter and alone. Oh and invest in that sex toy we talked about.
Best wishes and the barest of fucks given,
Non-asshats everywhere xxThe best response EVAR thank you Becca
