tw: binarism & cissupremacy
So, there is a certain reason why I don’t dress the way I want to. The start of senior year for me in high school I started to realize that I was moving away from my identification as a cisgendered female. I hated when people called me a ‘young woman’ and had major gender dysphoria. I started to dress a bit more masculine. I cut off my long hair, stopped wearing make-up, and hated my breasts. I would put on two sports bras (before I even knew that binders even existed) and would love the way I looked without them. It was different from the whole girly ‘me’ from sophomore year.
Some days, I liked my boobs. I would wear my bras and pick out tops and like them. I sometimes liked putting on make-up. Other days, I just felt more comfortable with a masculine presentation.
One day, while exiting my Science class, in my jeans, short hair, binded chest and plaid shirt, a guy in my class walked behind me with his friend, continuing to make jokes about trans* folks, when he said “uhhhh, SEX CHANGE!” and nudged me in the back, making me drop my books. He continued to snicker about my gender identity, continue to call me GIRL while invalidating my gender expression.
My face got really red and I felt my eyes water. He walked away, giggling with his friend continuing to joke around. Other people just didn’t know what to do and just kind of stared at me. I walked to my next class shaking and on the verge of tears until I got home.
There is a reason why I dress more on the ‘feminine’ side. It’s because I’m so scared of that happening to me again.